Identity vampire

Recently, I told him that I’d realized that when I felt anxious or stressed, that I would unconsciously and intermittently hold my breath, and described how it seemed to make me feel physically.  I asked him if he knew what I meant, and if he’d ever done that.  He was calm, and said, no, he’d never felt that way, and didn’t do it, and made a kind of Aww, sorry to hear scripted sounding response.

A few days later when he was upset/resentful about something/whatever, he began to describe in eery repeated detail about how when he’s stressed out, he holds his breath, and how it makes him feel.

That’s not the first time that he’s repeated something from or about me and taken it on as his own.  I actually leaned my head in confusion, and said, “Wait… wait… that’s exactly what I just talked to you about a few days ago!  You said you never felt that way, and now you’re repeating what I said as though it was you instead of me?” 

Ooh.  He flashed some anger, tried to stick to his story, seemed to realize at some point how messed up it was to defend, back-tracked, switched, launched a few subject changing accusations, and that was the end of that. 

Except how quietly disturbed I felt by it in the aftermath. Sometimes, I wonder if he’s a kind of identity vampire.  I know that sometimes I feel as though he’s literally siphoning energy from me, but I mean something different here.  It’s the literal taking on of my beliefs, tastes, sensations, and experiences.  But who is he?

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6 Responses to Identity vampire

  1. chosetobehappy says:

    that’s completely insane…. it sounds like he’s mirroring you for some reason, as if his own identity is too painful to acknowledge so he swipes yours…. never heard of that before.


  2. lonelywife07 says:

    My H does the same thing! We use to pray together in the morning before he went to work, that’s when he’d pray, then I’d pray at night, before he went to bed….and I noticed he would repeat almost exactly what I would say!! It was so weird!
    And of course, we don’t pray together anymore…anything that we start like that never lasts. And it doesn’t really bother me, because I’m so use to it now….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fern says:

    Yes, my PA Narc H has been known to do this co-opting of others’ identity traits (though not mine of course — he is highly contemptuous of me and would hardly deign to intentionally or consciously copy me. In fact he has a pressing need to be oppositional with me, so anything I do or say is reflexively disagreed with or dismissed out of hand). Mine even has a habit of picking up others’ accents, which I think is ridiculous and quite embarrassing. People have actually assumed he was European (Nope! American born and bred!) because when he’s talking to someone with an accent, next you thing you know he himself will begin speaking with a slight ‘lilt’. Just really weird. I call these and other weirdnesses (including what you described in your post) ‘Twilight Zone Moments’, because it feels like I”m being swept into the Twilight Zone as they are happening. Cah-razy!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mel220 says:

    My soon-to-be-ex did this all the time, both to me and my daughter. It drove us both CRAZY!!!!
    I’ve read quite a few articles that say this is not uncommon, and that’s why it’s recommend to have no contact at all, once you’re away from them.


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