We’re in a lull right now. It’s when silently inside of myself, a wordless plea is saying Why can’t it stay this way? (Granted, it’s much fainter these days, more like a resigned inner comment.)
This means I’m waiting for the shift. If you’re reading this as the partner of (or former partner of) a passive aggressive, you know which moment I’m talking about. You’ve been close, or he’s actually been there for you somehow. You feel hopeful. If you’re young or in the early days and years, the hope can feel like a kind of sweet madness, like a conquering, relieving, euphoric drug in your veins.
Then suddenly, something shifts in a moment. You sense it, and you feel taken aback, unsure of what you just felt. Why should something be wrong? You can’t think of any reason. You talk yourself out of it, but wait… there it is. And now, you can observe subtle changes in his tone, his look, and his body language. Something has to be wrong. But what??
In the very beginning, when that moment came, I’d feel disoriented, confused, puzzled, and I’d ask him, “Are you mad? Are you upset with me about something?”
He’d say “No.”
But he wouldn’t answer that in a confused or puzzled ‘why are you asking’ kind of way. It was clipped, cool, and with veiled irritation that I could sense and feel. I remember the grotesque confusion I felt as a newlywed bride.
So yeah, that moment, the one where you know something is wrong, but he doesn’t acknowledge anything is wrong. You’re just staring across a canyon at the man who, seemingly a moment before, had loved and adored you.
Only now, he seems to just tolerate you.
Run, little hamster, run harder! But it never helps. In fact, it makes it worse.