One small step

After months of my reluctant involvement with his business, we’ve gone from being in danger of losing everything, to being partially caught up, and yesterday we were able to spend $1,050. cash on a second car.  (The first car is worth about the same amount.)  For a long time, we’ve tried to navigate on one car, including the young adult and teen drivers.  It’s just been so stressful and limiting.

However this sounds to normal people, maybe it sounds absurdly pathetic to be so dysfunctional you barely have transportation,  this is huge here.  Having one car was so limiting, and so vulnerable. 

Despite lack of timely support, I’m pushing the steps to have a garden again this year.  It’s becoming a new kind of mantra.  I have to try.  I may fail, but I have to try.  Too many things over the years were taking the heart right out of me, and now I’m fighting to take it back.

I’m going out to plant some spinach and kale here soon, but I’m also celebrating by going to meet someone for coffee after I get the planting done.  I’ll go in my grubby garden dirt glory in sweat pants, but I’m going.  It’s another mom that I met and liked (but barely know) through one of my kids, and it’s the kind of thing where you say “We should get together” but don’t.  I just messaged her and asked her, and so here I go.  Another baby step back to finding the me I lost for so long, and towards life.

I feel flickers of hope and strength.  Should I be scared?