Yesterday, I saw a note in the projects sheet for the morning meeting that did more than raise my eyebrow. It involved money, and to someone who’s fighting and crawling to leave the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid, that always gets my attention. I see the money in terms of what it could do, and this particular amount, although undetermined, probably meant being able to schedule and pay for my daughter’s dental appointment and the work she needs finished in order to move on to being able to schedule her with an orthodontist. This kid NEEDS braces. This kind of stuff is always on my mind, even if it’s waiting at the edge of my thoughts.
It was his notation about getting the hours/invoice from a Client regarding us paying one of Client’s employees for going to a job site. The problem is that I never authorized this, and I don’t agree with it. (especially not until I get more answers)
Our work is related to the construction industry. This particular Client also does a different kind of work for new or remodeled construction, so theoretically we and the Client could be working on different aspects of the same job. At times, we’ve contracted together, but other times, we each have our own separate contract for the job. It means that at times, we could either be working together as a contracted entity, working cooperatively with separate contracts, or even at times we work for the Client. Once in awhile, we’ve paid this Client’s employee to help with a job we’re working on. I wonder if I’m making this as clear as mud.
A new potential job meant that both Client and we would have our own separate contracts if we got the job. Someone who needed to hire professional services did the typical last minute ‘I need a proposal now’, and Client’s employee was sent to a job site to get detailed information. The problem is that my husband didn’t talk to me about this. He didn’t tell me about the call regarding this job; he didn’t tell me that Client might also get a contract for the same job; he certainly didn’t tell me that Client’s employee was being sent to a job site to gather information.
I asked him questions. If Client might get work out of this, why are we paying Client’s employee for that job site visit? He replied that it’s looking like Client might not get a contract for his part (this was vague and still undetermined). Did I say vague?
I asked him WHO authorized that we’d pay Client’s employee, since in fact we could have theoretically gotten the information we needed from the person who called for the last minute proposal and information gathering? Husband replied that he wasn’t sure, that it was “murky”.
Murky.
This morning, he was fidgeting during the meeting, interrupting, and starting to act dismissive. Then he let me know that time was critical because he’d promised to have a proposal worked up in less than an hour for someone. I asked a couple questions, and find out that it’s something that he’s known about for two days.
A proposal is a good thing, and I know this, but part of the reason we’ve struggled so much financially has been because he works like he lives, which is reactively. He doesn’t objectively manage time, projects, money or relationships, but reacts subjectively.
When you’re dealing with several clients and multiple jobs, you have to plan objectively and proactively. In the construction industry, someone else mismanaging their end of it and creating a crisis is a routine thing. If you let it become your crisis, your life would be an unstable hell.
Wait… that is my life.
Later he behaved so nicely, and so helpfully.
For awhile at least. We were working together on a stir fry dinner (lots of chopping and wok time). I’d already spent a few hours potting up garden plants, doing dishes, then cutting the veggies, then frying the rice etc. (translation: back and feet hurt)
He agreed to the last step of stir frying the veggies, and then while my part was done, ready (and getting colder by the minute), he said he needed ‘a break’ and disappeared for awhile. During that ‘while’, I heard the phone ring, glanced at caller i.d. to see another client’s number, which is a huge no-no for me to have clients calling our landline after business hours. He took the call and was back there almost fifteen minutes before I hobbled back and glared. He did come out and finish his part, and I was so tired that I didn’t have the energy to ask ONE MORE TIME to not talk to clients after business hours.
He hates to let strangers and acquaintances down. He doesn’t like strangers or acquaintances or professional peers being upset with him for anything. If only my feelings mattered as much.
This morning, I’m just tired in general. I was almost too tired to blog, and hesitated blogging partly because at some point, I just feel like an absolute idiot when I do. There must be some sane sliver of my brain and being that reads what I write about my life and remains astounded.
my life in pajamas 
Oh geesh…I”m dealing with the same exact issues right now PJ’s. You touched on a couple of very critical aspects of doing business with a PA partner. Yes, they are reactive/emotional and that often leads to erratic and people pleasing decision-making which usually leaves a lot to be discovered/uncovered. My husband doesn’t tell me about a lot of things that go on and if and when I get involved, it’s not a good situation because the customer will see how at odds I am with my husband. I’ve been called a bitch by contractors simply because I have ‘rules’ that I follow and I protect my interest/our interest in our jobs.
Personal problems arise when my husband fails to set limits and boundaries and then becomes over-extended or spends more than he intended or loses money some other way and then he takes it all out on me. It seems that I’m always telling my husband that HE commands how people treat him and that HE teaches them what to expect, when to expect it and that he needs to set some professional boundaries. Take for example the business calls at home after hours…My husband will answer the call, email or text and he will agree to do whatever they want him to do when they want him to do it without even looking at the schedule! If I were to call him he would, as always, ignore my calls until he pulls into the driveway and THEN he calls me to tell me that he’s home! He is such a rebellious child that has absolutely no leadership skills or sense of responsibility whatsoever. The other day my husband went to a customer’s house to do a small job and she asked him if he could come back two days later because she didn’t feel like putting her dog inside because she was exercising. I can’t even imagine asking my contractor to do such a thing. My husband, who has not a minute to spare, agreed to go back there!!! You see PJ’s it’s all about being liked- not respected. Our husbands are coast to coast road pavement and we are the road crew that must constantly fix all their potholes and establish the yellow lines. I feel fer ya! I really do.
Just do the right thing PJs despite the nonsense.. Our husbands don’t understand the value of communication or the value of trust and respect in a marriage-business. They are immature and don’t understand why we feel betrayed when they make decisions ( especially ones regarding business) that affect us without discussing it with us. They interpret our concern and interest as being controlling yet they will tell us that we don’t care, that we don’t take any interest in what they do all day and we never listen to them.
I was talking to one of our long time customers who is a good friend now and I spilled the beans to her about how my husband treats me. She told me that her husband was the same way and she shared some pretty hilarious stories about how she handled his nonsense. She has grit and I know not to ever cross her path!! I never knew that her husband treated her so badly and I always thought it was so odd that when he passed away, she seemed to be so happy. Now I know why! Granted, he had a sizable estate which certainly softens the grief.
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Thanks, Exodus! I am trying to do the right thing, but some moments and some days, I wish I had a place to run away to. So far, no bananas, lol. I really laughed at the very last sentence of your post!
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