This year, I started more cosmos from seed, but no lavender. I didn’t have the heart to try both again. He gave me such a hard time about the tomatoes, that I bought three from the nursery, and didn’t start any from seed. I got my sons to till up a separate small patch near the house, and I tossed several packets of a flower mix there. This has become a weed disaster, but my daughters are helping me try to salvage it. I’ll try to post pics and outcome on that patch later.
Meanwhile, he’s helped a lot with aspects of this year’s garden, but with some predictable negatives. I’ve had the usual delays and procrastination from him this year, and the same arguments about waiting to plant. There were times he was up there with a son(s) laying soaker hoses and actually planting, while I was mowing the lawn or cooking. You have to know that was a stupid move on my part.
After explaining companion planting and writing out charts, he still planted things side by side that don’t do well together. After telling him that I really really really wanted to try sunflowers this year, I found out that sunflowers didn’t get planted. Then after I got upset about that, he went up and planted them where they are unlikely to thrive (although I’m still hoping). I saw that he didn’t transplant the cantaloupe I started from seed (this was when he was in the main garden and I was working in the strawberry patch and weeding my flower jungle). I said, “I’m surprised you didn’t transplant the cantaloupe since you like it so much!”
He replied, “Not really. I’ve never been real big on cantaloupe.”
Astonishment. (He has always bought cantaloupe over the years, and eats more of it than anyone in the house.)
I smiled and said, “What lies do I hear arising from the depths of your bowels?”
He half smiled and replied, “I don’t eat that much cantaloupe. I don’t get much of it because by the time I get to it, the kids have usually eaten most of it.”
Then I also realized that he planted TWO long rows of celery. Celery. The celery I said it was probably too late to get in, but we could try just a bit in with the lettuce. And there was what he called the Mystery Row planted. And the cabbage I said I really wanted? Zip nada.
Oh. And a long row of dill. The dill that I told him just needed a small bit because I didn’t need much and it tends to take over a garden. A huge long row planted.
I spent time weeding my mixed flower jungle (Free the Flowers Campaign), then I carried the cantaloupe up to get transplanted, did some weeding in the lettuce, tried not to cry and scream in frustration, and today I’m going to try to figure out how to salvage cabbage and my seed potatoes, and get one row each of bush beans and peas planted later. He’s angry that I was upset about the sunflowers, cabbage, and cantaloupe. And ouch, I’m stiff and sore. Gardening is not as much fun when you need to lose weight and haven’t been exercising. But smile, smile, smile, what doesn’t kill me in the garden will make me stronger and healthier!
Lesson has been driven home. Again. Will I have to relearn this like I’m stuck in some kind of Groundhog Day movie? If anything is important to me, I just can’t trust it to matter to him. In fact, I can expect him to sabotage whatever I express as most important to me. I’m going to have an ongoing process of evaluating what matters most to me, and sifting it to what I can take care of myself. For just about everything. Time to focus on what I can take care of, let go of what I can’t, or ask for help from someone who cares.
I can’t talk to him about this. I mean… I could talk to him where he’s looking at me and seems to be listening? But from past experience I know it will anger him, and all he’ll think about and shoot back will be what he ‘does’ for me. I’d hear lame excuses, rationalizations, and a barrage of accusations launched my direction. The stuff that hurts me? That just makes him mad and/or resentful. It would just be me pouring my energy down a drain to discuss all this, so instead I’ll take what I can get, and hope for flowers.
Cosmos and sunflowers.