Father’s day is a mixed bag

I miss my Dad.  I really do.  While I miss him, I intermittently process anger that comes in fragmented pieces.  I talk to him, get angry, cry, and try to resolve the piece with mercy and grace.

I have some precious memories with him, but if the measure of being a really good father was loving my mother, then he really messed up.

My husband is the consistently inconsistent good father.  He can be absolutely awesome, and at other times, just abysmal.

Is it any wonder I don’t really like holidays?

Really, I just want to go through the barest obligatory and then not think about, and this day slide into obscurity until the tasks of Monday roll around.

I suppose I am feeling depressed, but it’s such a fuzzy grey that I can almost not acknowledge it.  Just slide through the day.

I really decided to blog because I’m thinking of all of you, and wondering how your day is going.  I just wanted to pop in, say hello, send hugs across the internet, and hope you’re having the best day possible.

And see you soon 🙂

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14 Responses to Father’s day is a mixed bag

  1. lonelywife07 says:

    Hi PJs…yeah, Fathers Day. Hmmm, I now hate Father’s Day…it’s the day we celebrate great dads. Except my husband, my boys dad, is a cheating, lying passive aggressive! How do you celebrate that?
    Makes it kinda hard to wake up with a big smile, arms thrown open wide, saying, “Happy Fathers Day, Darling!!” Yeah, that didn’t happen!!
    PA Man is so weird…either he REALLY thinks that he’s the worlds best dad….or he’s being a jerk just to irritate me….but for the last 3-4 days he’s hinted at gift ideas, breakfast in bed, and suggesting sex to celebrate “HIS weekend!!
    I just look at him and tell him “I dont think so.” and then I walk away…

    I’m staying off of Facebook today…all the “My husband is the BEST Father ever….I’m SOOOO blessed to have him!!” status updates are making me sad! Ugh!


    • Seeing the Light says:

      I know what you mean about Facebook. I had the same experience this morning. First, it made me sad and I got to wondering what it would be like to be able to sincerely say the kind of things that were being said, to have what they have. Then I wondered how much of it was true and how much was overblown compared to their realities. Then I thought why are people saying these things for everyone to see? Why don’t they just tell their husband or their father? Why are they telling the Facebook world? Oh, well.


  2. Seeing the Light says:

    Hang in there, PJs. I know what you mean about holidays. Thank goodness they aren’t that frequent.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. GainingStrength says:

    Years and years ago, okay decades ago 🙂 my husband told me that I wasn’t his mother and you know what? He’s not my father. LOL Since the kids are out of the house neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day are celebrated. Just phone calls from the kids.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I posted a comment on Facebook addressed to GOOD men and boys, thanking them for taking care of whoever they take care of. I think it’s worth acknowledging that good men do exist. I just wish my husband were one of them!


    • WritesinPJ's says:

      marriedwithouthusband, I didn’t even have it in me to do that, so I really admire you for doing that!

      I think I wanted to find a Grumpy Cat meme for blah blah blah Father’s day, and then I might have posted.


  5. Bronze says:

    Our fathers day is in September. Last year, I texted my ex to ask if he wanted to see the kids that day. His response? “No, the kids don’t care’. I had texted on behalf of my daughter who wanted to know. His projection of his lack of care and his putting himself in the victim role, was unsurprising. He probably told his girlfriend I was refusing to allow him to see the kids. I always did something for him of Fathers day. However, I never got a Mothers Day. Why? In his words because “you’re not my f***ing mother’. When the kids finally went to school – I would give them money to buy me a mothers day gift from the stall they set up. I also gave them money for fathers day. These men live in alternate universes. For some reason they believe their minuscule efforts as a person equals everybody elses normal efforts and that they should be lauded for tiny drops of their attention. I believe mine had the attitude of- I work, I’m in the house and frankly, she should be grateful for that – I shouldn’t have to be nice or respectful as well. He didn’t see that I was also doing the same things AND treating him with kindness and respect. I don’t understand why they can’t see it and I never will. All I know, is that it will wreck those around him. He goes through life so arrogantly sure that his mere presence is more than anybody deserves and that the real problem is that they lack gratitude, not that he lacks human decency.


    • Exodus says:

      Bronze, I couldn’t have read your post at more appropriate moment. You wrote, ” These men live in alternate universes. For some reason they believe their minuscule efforts as a person equals everybody elses normal efforts and that they should be lauded for tiny drops of their attention.”
      I just finished red-lining thanks to my spineless husband. He truly is the smallest scum microbe at the bottom of the pond. I won’t go into all the details but as usual, he allowed me to believe that I was guilty of something that I wasn’t. This is a good example of gaslighting. When I believe that I am guilty of something, then I want to understand the why and how I did something and how to prevent it in the future. I was just racking my brain trying to figure out how I managed to make such a mistake- especially when I was making every effort to be fully conscious and conscientious. My husband does this to not only me but anyone else who conveniently takes the blame for something that they believed that they did. He will just stand by and watch someone take the fall and never say a word! When I realized that it was actually my husband that was to blame, he called me crazy and insane for caring whether I was to blame or not.
      Anyway, you could not be more spot on about how they live in their own universe with such an arrogant and selfish sense of entitlement just for being here. Oh, I’m SO angry right now. I’m boiling mad.


  6. wornout says:

    Pjs, I have just recently discovered your blog and I love it! I’ve gone back and read all your previous posts and poured over all of the comments. There are a lot of great ladies out there, I feel a sisterhood with all of you! 🙂 What an amazing support system this is. Like you Pjs, I find myself thinking of everyone throughout the day and wondering how everyone’s days are going. Thanks Pjs for all the great info you post and the stories and updates that make us all feel not so alone. P.s. It’s funny, but not, about what everyone is saying about Father’s Day. My husband has had a list posted on the fridge for at least the last three weeks of gift ideas to get him, one of which was a Best Dad in the World t-shirt. Huh?! These guys are pieces of work. You know what is helping me not go crazy, this blog and all of you! 🙂 And I’m right with you all about how hard it is to hear everyone gushing about their amazing husbands today. 😦


    • WritesinPJ's says:

      wornout, welcome and thank you for your encouraging words! I’m so glad that Father’s day is over for this year.
      It was really bodacious entitlement for your husband to say he wanted a Best Dad t-shirt. Um. Wow!


  7. Exodus says:

    PJ’s, I’m completely neutral this year. Father’s day has no meaning in my life since I don’t have children of any sort, don’t have any surviving father, don’t talk to my brother and my father in law –well, I don’t carry any special affection for the man given that HE is the reason that his son is screwed up. What did occur to me today is that we are half-way through the year. This bothered me more than anything else because I dread the upcoming holidays and having to say, ‘ I survived ANOTHER year and I’M STILL HERE” on new years eve. Uggggh 😦


  8. YOU are important. Your LIFE has meaning. YOU CAN DO THIS. Don’t give up or get discouraged. Keep fighting on. 🙂 You are a beautiful person.

    I hope you have a beautiful day!!!


    the bbb blogger


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