INFJ’s and narcissists

I’ve been internally and quietly tired since my kitty Princess died.  I come in the morning, read to catch up what is happening with you all, and when it was my normal time to post and converse, I’d find myself staring at the screen. 

Today is one of my daughter’s birthday, and she asked for a low key day of family time.  Those are loaded words for me, but I’m going to do the best I can. 

I wanted to repost a blog called The Paradox of the INFJ/Narcissist Connection.  So many interesting things to consider as we all continue to understand and grow!

For those unfamiliar, INFJ refers to a personality type (Briggs Myers).  If you’re interested, there’s a link below.

Free Personality Test Link


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11 Responses to INFJ’s and narcissists

  1. DotedOn says:

    PJ, we are right there with you…
    Smile 🙂


  2. DotedOn says:

    I did the test, I’m ENFP… Extravert(1%) iNtuitive(12%) Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44%)… (I did the test twice, 2 months ago and 5 minutes ago… I scored exactly the same).


  3. Exodus says:

    I know how you feel PJ’s. A loss creates such a void and grief seems to be the only thing that fills it. You’re daughter was born on the 4th. Wow, what a cool birthday! I know you will make it a wonderful day for everyone. I really hope that you can enjoy the day without putting any
    expectations on it. Just row with the flow and stay light ;D

    I agree with Kim’s comments on her blog and I believe that the reason my husband is the way he is , is because of his mother’s inability to emotionally connect with her children and his father’s use of religion to control and dumb his family down and his PA abuse.

    N’s are always looking for N supply of affection, love, admiration and respect and they aren’t going to get that from another N or someone who has set healthy limits on being used so, naturally, they will choose people like ourselves who are sensitive, empathic, compassionate and nurturing.

    It’s no surprise that N’s and psychopaths tend to marry women in the nursing profession because nurses by nature of profession are codependent. I’m not sure if the narcissist looks for them or if the nurse tends to look for men who exhibit N qualities but nonetheless, the attraction makes sense.

    Here’s an article about the long-term effects of childhood chronic stress on the brain:


  4. Exodus says:

    I took the test twice too and each time I came up with the INFJ personality type ( seems to be constant for me each time I’ve taken it)

    Introverted: 44 percent
    Intuitive: 50
    Feeling: 12
    Judging: 56

    I read this description and it seems to describe me very well and I do fit the description of the last sentence, ” An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.” Yes, this can be a problem for me- especially at work and I’m very hard on others who are not detail-oriented. This is another reason why I loathe activities and conversations with my PAM. Details are not important to my PAM and he hates them- perceives them as controlling and boxing him in to a commitment.

    The only thing that I would disagree with is that I’m not secretive. I’m transparent to a fault and that’s probably due in part to my inner-child that has a fear of deception and manipulation and believes that others will be honest with me if I am with them.


  5. Jane D. says:

    Interesting. I came through as an INTJ, with only a slight preference of T over F.

    I’d say my guy is more of a bully than a narcissist, although he does love to be the center of attention. It was interesting to me how many of the commenters on that post were INFJs.

    We are also having a low key day. We will eat hamburgers and watch the fireworks on TV. 🙂


  6. lonelywife07 says:

    Hmmm…I’m a ESFP….and I am HUGELY extraverted!! Scored 89% LOL! And I’ll tell y’all right now, PA Man would score maybe 2% on extraverted! LOL! We are soooo opposite of each other!
    I’m fascinated by this test…it is sooo accurate with my personality!
    PJ…hope you ended up having a good day…PA Man was gone all week….was supposed to get home yesterday, but the hurricane cancelled his flight…so he came home this afternoon. Sad to say, I didn’t mind at all. :/


    • Exodus says:

      Lonely, that’s fairly typical for an introvert and extrovert to be attracted to one another. Introverts like extroverts because they can lead. Extroverts don’t need a leader so they usually choose followers. I consider myself more of an introvert because I really don’t have any inclination to socialize but people who know me think I’m an extrovert because I will take the lead when I’m in social or work situations. I’m a very reserved and shy extrovert!


      • lonelywife07 says:

        Yes, I agree with that, Exodus…and PA Man does like for me to lead…then gets frustrated with me when I do! I can’t win!
        I asked PA Man to do the test and he did…this is what he got.
        .Your Type Preferences
        Introvert(44%) Sensing(25%) Thinking(1%) Judging(56%)

        Because you appear to have marginal or no (1%) preference of Thinking over Feeling, characteristics of more than one personality type may apply to you:
        ISTJ and ISFJ.

        “Characteristics of more than one personality type may apply to you” LOL!
        Right! Lets combine the worst of the two personality types and ta-da!! We have a passive aggressive in the making!! 😉


        • Exodus says:

          Yep, Lonely, I get punished for leading my husband as well yet, if I didn’t lead we would be still be sitting in the waiting room at the hospital wondering what room his father was in. I’m serious. Going on vacation with my PAM is like taking a class of 3rd graders on a field trip.


  7. Amanda says:

    I had this done some years ago at work and come out as an INFJ and yes I did need loads of time to introvert in order to make sense and recover from the dynamics of my relationship with my (then) husband.

    I’ve just redone the test and it’s has come out as ENFP – with a slight preference to extravert. And that makes sense as well – the balance of feeling energised amongst people and the (now slightly lesser) degree need for solitude. I still need to introvert for both my mental and physical wellbeing and I think that will always be the case – but there’s a lot more balance now in my need to extrovert.




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