He knows what’s going on inside of me

My passive aggressive husband has an uncanny ability to read my very thoughts at times.  He always seems to know what’s really going on inside of me.  He has an awareness that’s beyond normal.

One day recently driving to the beach to swim, I wasn’t looking particularly at any certain thing, not inasmuch as you could see me physically focused as looking at any certain thing. As my eyes glanced at the buildings, people, and general surroundings we passed in the car,  I took subtle notice of the hanging baskets of flowers on the city street, and was casually inwardly thinking of trying to replicate it next year. I actually looked at the flowers for mere seconds, and not any longer than I looked at anything else.  Within seconds of my thoughts, he asked me, “Do you happen to know what kind of flowers those are in those hanging baskets?”

Part of me kind of jumped within, but I didn’t show it.  I answered in a nonchalant and absentminded way, “What did you say?”

He said, “I was wondering if you knew what kind of flowers were in the hanging baskets, and if they’re some kind of annuals.”

I answered, “Oh, no, I don’t know, sorry.”

That kind of incident is not really that unusual.  I’ve had so many inexplicable experiences like this with him over the years.  I used to think it was love.  I used to think it was empathy.  Now I accept it as some strange ability to read me. 

It has pros and cons.  On the bad side, if I say I can’t take this, he can read some imperceptible measure of my yet to be saturated ability to take a little bit more.  On the bad side, I can know that he knows I’m hurting, and just doesn’t seem to care to show compassion. 

On the good side, if I say I won’t take this, he can sense that I’ll walk away if he even puts a toe over the line I drew in the sand.  I don’t even have to get mad.  On the good side, since I know he knows I’m hurting and doesn’t seem to care to show compassion, I can now more easily take my energy and redirect it to caring for myself. 

Meanwhile, maybe I should make some kind of tinfoil hat.

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2 Responses to He knows what’s going on inside of me

  1. Exodus says:

    One of the things that I learned a few years ago about narcissism is that they are very astute at reading people. Think about Hannibal Lecter’s ability to read Jody Foster’s emotions inside and out. They study us and know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. Norman knows me very well even though it’s very rare that he ever shares his insight with me. It’s only when Norman feels the need to be nice to me after being a bad boy that he’ll make some shallow attempt to show affection by showing me something that he knows I like- a vegetarian recipe, a documentary on medicine or global warming. You know what I mean? Your husband did the same thing with the flowers. I often interpret those things as small nervous small talk or chatter. It’s sort of like the talk people make on first dates except that our husbands know more about what to talk about. It’s very annoying to me when Norman will come to me and show me a picture of a tree or flower and ask me what it is when he knows perfectly well what it is. I never know if he’s just doing that to interrupt me or if he’s really trying to connect.


  2. newshoes123 says:

    AH – I know, it’s almost as if mine can read my thoughts… and it’s kind of scary too. I’ll be thinking something in my head when we are fighting and I have absolutely no expression on my face when I look at him and he can guess what I’m thinking and he’ll voice exactly what I’m thinking. Then he will pick up on this and use pa behaviour to hurt me.

    This also happens when he asks a random question about my day and he seems to know that I haven’t been at the office for example… at some point I really thought he had me followed or had my computer bugged. No joke. Then of course he question with who I was with then will say that it’s none of his business after I’ve had to defend myself for my own travel for work. Euh!!!!


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