The freaky Friday creamed salmon story

I hope to dedicate most Fridays to our version of throwback Thursday.  Please share a freaky passive aggressive Friday story here!  We can laugh and cry together!

A poster/blogger, paescapee,  left this comment:  “My pah worked late on my birthday- so what? Is that abuse? But he did it for four years despite only working late three or four times a year for the rest of the year. How could I explain that?”

Naturally she doesn’t even have to explain it here, but I’m sure we all have our own stories of the little stuff that sounds like we’re complaining about a tiny grain of sand to an outsider.  The outsiders have never tried to put their feet into shoes entirely filled with sand.

One early summer day several years ago when I was trying to start up walking daily before supper (after being a depressed lethargic winter potato).  It was one of my son’s birthday that day, and he’d requested that I make his favorite creamed salmon over biscuits.  It was the usual busy day, and I was watching the clock and thinking that I wouldn’t have time to walk that day.  My husband came in the kitchen and offered to finish watching the pot of creamed salmon (needed just intermittent stirring to finish) and biscuits in the oven.  I was surprised by his offer, and said that he’d need to babysit the pot and stir often, and listen for the oven timer for the biscuits, so I’d completely understand if he didn’t want to do all that.  He said, “Oh no problem!  I won’t let it burn!  Don’t worry!  I don’t want you to miss your walk.  Go on your walk and enjoy yourself!”

Surprised but happy, I went on the walk.  You all know what happened?  I cut my walk short midway because I felt uneasy.  When I came back in the kitchen, the son who requested it for his birthday was frantically stirring the scorched sauce, and the biscuits were burned.  I asked where his father was, and he said that his father told him he had to do something outside.  I tried to salvage the dinner the best that I could, and then looked for my husband.  He was outside doing some random non-critical thing in the garden.

Of course, trying to ask my passive aggressive husband why he said one thing and did another, turned into a gaslighting accusation turd flinging fest.

In hindsight, his words were supportive of my walking/exercising to get healthier.  His behavior looked more like discouragement of my efforts towards my well-being.

Telling someone that he intentionally burned a dinner while I was walking would only make me look like a schlump that was adding extra burden to a nice guy husband so I could have leisure time, and then nagging because he didn’t know how to cook it properly.  IF you try to explain the true whole story, their brain shuts down and tends to view you as a paranoid, nitpicking shrew.  Because no normal person would do that, so it’s easier to believe I’m a critical demanding nag than to believe someone would intentionally sabotage and gaslight.

I think I would have learned faster if it wasn’t all so ludicrously unreasonable, irrational, and hard to wrap my brain around.

This entry was posted in abusive marriage, Christian marriage, covert abuse, emotional abuse, passive aggressive, passive aggressive husband. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The freaky Friday creamed salmon story

  1. Exodus says:

    “IF you try to explain the true whole story, their brain shuts down …..” and when I try to explain things to Norman MY brain shuts down. It’s so absurd trying to explain to a grown man what he did wrong, how he broke a promise or betrayed a commitment and why that is a bad thing. It’s so absurd that sometimes, mid explanation, I can’t remember what I’m upset about!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. paescapee says:

    Exactly so. I’m trying to stop this feeling of needing to justify myself to others who really will never understand. I love the description of grains of sand! Best to pick up your bucket and spade and leave him to sandbag someone else!


  3. paescapee says:

    PS I need to add- how sad to spoil your little boy’ s birthday out of spite.


  4. Exodus says:

    I remember many years ago, a counselor told me that I should never ever tell Norman about anything that I’m doing for myself. She advised me to study at the library and not ever let him know that I was at the library. What a way to live, eh? She was right though. Anytime I do anything for myself he either counters it with something bad for me or he resents that I’m doing something for myself and uses it against me in one of his ” poor me/lucky you” tantrums. The walking thing…Norman encourages me to walk or ride my bike but when he joins me, he gets really competitive, very rude and ugly and will abandon me altogether.

    In 2010, I got a root canal, crown and had to get an apicoectomy surgery on an old root canal and he resented that as well and tried to make me feel bad that he couldn’t go to the dentist too. The dentist told me beforehand that he would not do the surgery unless Norman or someone else drove me home. I had to lie and drive myself home of course and Norman never even called to see how I was.

    It was really difficult for me to keep secrets. I wanted to share. I believed that sharing was a good thing. I wanted to believe that he was interested and supportive and I always thought he would be happy for me and proud of me. He always pretended to be at first but later it would come out that he resented anything I did. Come to think of it, he resented anything I did for him as well.

    ” They smile at your face, all the time they want to take your place, the back stabbers”


  5. marsocmom says:

    These men are depriving themselves of their greatest gift…the support and partnership of a loving woman. Their behavior makes no sense at all. It’s self-destructive as well as marriage-destructive and wife-destructive…x-destructive, just fill in the blank. Life is so precious, and interacting with other people in a constructive way is what makes it all worthwhile. Love and affection. They are wasting all that they have been freely given.

    Liked by 1 person

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