A poster here wrote such a great description of how special days are used by a passive aggressive man to be sneakily aggressive.
My comment there: Each incident can almost always be explained away; each time coated in teflon and ready for denial and then accusations. This is a brilliant post that lays out the pattern so that the pretense can be stripped away and bared down to the aggression and hostility that these men are driven by.
It was my birthday yesterday. I approached it with habitual anxiety based on many, many birthdays with my pah and in my family of origin that had caused me distress, but now that I’m alone, it was lovely to spend it with my adult daughters, partners and extended family. No tension or issues.
Anyone who lives with a PA man will quickly understand that special events are a particular source of tension for them. Their needs are not the main focus of the day, combined with their need to rebel against any expectations others may have; add the fact that these events are usually more public and it is essential that others think well of them and you can see the challenges that they are up against. hmmm- there is an expectation that I should think about a gift/party for her so I need to make her suffer for that…
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