It occurred to me that I’ve had a sort of mini vacation by being sick since last Saturday. I’ve had fever, sore throat, coughing and that not only has put me out of commission, but people were agreeable about my not handling food, dishes, laundry etc. Ha ha, guess no one wanted my germs! Kind of a stinky way to get a break, but once my fever turned to intermittent low grade and I started breaking it with sweating, I was rather relieved to be uninvolved with the usual day to day chores. I’m not entirely better, so I plan to stay under the blanket for another day or two.
Before I got sick, my husband was into the passive aggressive silent mode at bedtime each night for several days running. It was so pronounced (extreme silence once he’d come in the bedroom) that it was affecting my sleeping. I think the insomnia probably bit a chunk out of my immune system. He also made a ‘mistake’ that authorized probably close to a thousand unnecessary dollars of expenditure. It was a mistake he’d made in the past, that we’d had intense conflict over, and that he’d promised not to repeat. I think that stress also took a bite on my immune system. However it happened, I did get sicker than I’ve been in a long time. I forgot how awful it can feel to be that sick, and I’m glad it’s mostly behind me now.
In the past, my husband wasn’t always very nice or helpful when I was sick. When I started to get sick this time, I asked him to sit down, and then I told him that it was very important that he at least try to use his cognitive empathy. I asked him to please try hard to understand what I was going through, and that when I expressed needs, to do his best to act caring and not resentful or neglectful. He stared at me so funny, and said that he would. And he has. He’s tried very hard, and been pretty decent.
I can tell that being good has been kind of wearing on him though. In predictable fashion, he got cranky with kids instead today, and then I had to get out from under the blanket and deal with the fallout. When that happens, I view it almost as though he needed to have some kind of passive aggressive built up emotional vomit/purge, and then he seems to get relief.
Yesterday, I realized something kind of weird. It had been a few days of good behavior, and it felt like much longer. It felt like he’d been good for few weeks instead of a few days.
I’ve expressed my gratitude for his help and care (he even made homemade soup for me), and I’ve tried not to worry about when the other shoe might drop. I want to stay focused on just getting back on track, and that includes checking in with all of you! Thanks for listening 🙂