Yesterday was a typical day on the roller coaster I wrote about before. It started with him being cold and aloof, and letting me know he wasn’t helping with the kitchen mess. Check on the con negative side. I did dishes and clean up for over an hour in the morning quiet while his silence filled the room. Definite negative and check on the con side.
Yesterday morning, I was able to go somewhere and meet a young mother of a special needs baby (abandoned by her husband) and pay it forward. I debated writing about it at all since I want to practice not letting the left hand know what the right is doing, but I also want to share with you all how much joy it brought me in my crawl forward to be able to do that. It has been years since I’ve been able to give back financially, and it was another milestone in my goals to be able to do that. My husband was supportive of my wanting to help someone. A check for the plus pro side of him.
Because he wouldn’t help with any morning chores that we often share, I left to go out without time for breakfast or coffee, because I also had to drive youngest son to work before the meeting. His cold behavior made the getting ready to actually go out more difficult. Check on the negative con side.
I came home from meeting the young mother, and from grocery shopping, and other than his saying he was proud of me for reaching out to help someone, he ignored me the rest of the afternoon and did whatever he does. Without so much as a word from him that would acknowledge the opportunity to spend time together as a couple Check on the con negative.
Our daughter’s cat had a poo poo accident that required cleaning his fur a little, and he was funny and helpful when our daughter called out to enlist his help. Plus again.
Part of the afternoon while he was ignoring me, he spent time with our youngest daughter and took her on a walk (which made her very happy). Check for the plus positive.
At supper time, he came out and put together the easy recipe that I’d shopped to grab the ingredients for on my way home earlier. His cooking dinner? Check positive plus.
After dinner there was more of the typical do his thing without conversation, as though he was single and owed me no more communication than a roommate that shared rent and space. Check negative con for the lonely with someone.
After supper, he started treating me more attentively (in comparison), and made popcorn for me. A few years back, one of my sons made a comment to me saying, “We all know that Dad does whatever you want.” I stared at him puzzled, then asked,
“What do you mean? What does he do that I ask him to?”
My son replied, “He makes popcorn for you.”
I didn’t know if I was going to laugh or cry. I said, “Son, if something really matters to me, if there’s something I really need or want from him, I don’t get it, no matter how much I communicate or plead or beg. The little things like making popcorn? Those can feel more like crumbs to me, but even a starving person will eat crumbs.”
It was something he didn’t really want to hear. He just shifted in his chair and said, “Hm… maybe… ”
Meanwhile, the kids and I enjoyed the popcorn last night, so I’ll check that as a plus positive.
Ignoring me after he made popcorn, once again not asking if I was interested in doing anything together (this is so typical that I don’t expect anything else from him) was a check on negative con side.
Spending time with youngest daughter again to watch a movie with her in the office? A plus positive.
Ending my day with keeping the sadness at bay? Was just sad.