Sometimes I’m a stranger to myself

There are times when I hear or see him reading his Bible, that I feel disgusted or really angry.  There are times that I let myself get so hurt and so angry that I lash out or engage in futile communications, or even reactive abuse.   When that’s happened, I’ve typically engaged in harsh self-criticism and scathing self-condemnation afterward.  Nowadays, I instead try to comfort myself by free falling into humility, prayer, and just breathing.

On Friday night, he asked me to forgive him and to pray for him,  and I couldn’t help softening.  Well, I guess I could choose not to… but while I don’t really believe him, I always want to.  I want to believe that about any person probably, because I know that my growth often looks like a series of falls, stumbles, face splats, and missteps.

I want to have a wise heart, but not a hard one.

Friday night, he apologized at bedtime.  Saturday seemed to go well, there were no disputes or disagreements.  So as far as I knew, when he came out late Saturday evening as I was sitting at my computer and asked me if I was coming to bed, everything was okay.  I said I was going to shut down my computer, and a couple minutes later I was back in the bedroom.  In fact, when he got out of the bathroom, I went in to brush my teeth right after he was finished brushing his.  By the time I was finished brushing my teeth, and washing my face, he was in bed reading his Bible.

To further explain this story, there is some backdrop.  My husband has blamed me for his not getting to bed early enough many times.  On the nights that I’m in bed first, and he’s the one up late, it’s somehow different.  (yes double standards… wud-evah)  There were nights that I was in bed first, and reading my Bible.  Many of those nights were the Silent Nights, and I’m not referring to my favorite carol.  I asked him about it one night.  “If you’re not upset with me, why don’t you speak to me when you come to bed?  Not even goodnight?”

“Because you were reading your Bible!”

“I don’t understand.  Why would that mean you wouldn’t speak to me?”

He replied, “I didn’t want to disturb you when you were doing something important.  I was trying to be respectful.”

(I didn’t entirely believe him.)  Back to Saturday night when I was crawling into bed as he was reading his Bible.  I quietly picked up my Bible, read for a few minutes, then turned out the lamp on my side.  He kept reading, so I laid there quietly … you know… because he was doing something important and I should be respectful.

When he finally turned out his lamp, he rolled over away and silently in the dark.  I confess that it felt like a fresh stab in a scarred over wound, a wound that I peeled back the bandaging just a little bit on when he was asking me to forgive him and pray for him.  I usually don’t even ask myself anymore what he could be upset about, but I spent a couple minutes wondering what offense I’d committed.  I was tired, and I also knew that if I asked him, he’d not only probably accuse me of terrible timing, but that I wouldn’t sleep well.

The thing is that I didn’t sleep well anyway.  I tossed and turned, and woke up early out of a nightmare on Sunday morning.  Half in tears, full in anger, and all I could see in my fog of sleep tired emotion was him reading his Bible the night before.  Half asleep, I woke him up by asking, “I waited until morning, but could you tell me now what offense I committed that deserved the silent treatment?  And what book were you reading?  The book of hatred?  The book of hypocrisy?  Because your behavior towards me doesn’t reflect the Bible I read!”

Then I cried.  And he yelled.  He yelled a lot. The yells and anger and accusation that I realized he was waiting to unload.  I just hadn’t bitten the hook until then.  Old lesson relearned at the dawn’s early light.  One of the first things he said was about my knowing he was tired, but still coming to bed late.  As soon as he even mentioned that, it was so clear to me that the night before was indeed the typical punishing withdrawal of the passive aggressive man.  Withdraw.  Withhold.  Those are the dual weapons wielded by the resentful passive aggressive.

I finally remembered to take deep breaths, detach, accept, forgive myself for being a person I didn’t recognize at times, and have faith that one day I could live with less pain, and more peace.  I prayed to find the healing and courage to create and take that path.

Oh… and he’s apologized again.

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24 Responses to Sometimes I’m a stranger to myself

  1. Bronze says:

    Beware the PA man who admits anything(admit it post) although of course he is smart enough to know that a stranger would see that admittance as him somehow being self reflective and willing to change. Admissions from PA men mean no such thing and the last two posts prove you have now paid the price for it. You are so eloquent and amazingly laser like in pinpointing his behaviours and hidden agendas. He knew you would soften – after all he couldn’t be successful at what he does if he didn’t know who you fundamentally are. That softening gave him an opportunity to make sure his hurtfulness came with a little extra kick. Hope hurts. And yes the inevitable blow up came in due course. Nothing can be easy. Every exchange is covered in a layer of meaning and obfuscation, until you are so tired of normal everyday things being SO hard. He has apologised and you will in due time, pay for that as well. In the end I wanted no apologies, no niceness, no concessions from him – they exacted too high a price. At least then I could count on nothing. And yes, that build of up resentment no matter what you do is inevitable. Our existence is crucial for a PA man. It is no surprise that mine got a girlfriend so quickly once he realised I had stopped reacting after the final break up and he could no longer affect me, even despite using the children to gain my attention, . A PA man cannot be PA in a vacuum. Without somebody to manipulate, punish and resent, they may as well not exist. Take Care.

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    • Exodus says:

      I totally agree with Bronze’s comments about those kind, thoughtful and respectful comments. I don’t acknowledge any of Norman’s good or bad comments anymore because I know they are always insincere or rather, lacking heart. Norman also became detached like Bronze’s husband and immediately went into flight mode once I became uninterested and unresponsive to any of his comments.

      When we respond with either anger or with forgiveness, we have given them a stamp of approval for their behavior. I know it seems impossible to live with someone and not react to them and just ignore them but that’s the way you must live with them if you stay. Unfortunately, this means that eventually they will leave in search of another person who will keep their negative drama alive and well.

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  2. paescapee says:

    Regrettably, I’m identifying with everything said so far. Apologies are merely a manipulative tool for PA men, and we are taught from an early age that we should be forgiving and accept apologies at face value. An apology without a change in behaviour is worthless though. I also agree with Bronze and Exodus- one day something just ‘snapped’ in me (after therapy) and I disengaged overnight from his emotional manipulation. He still tried, but I stopped myself feeling bad/guilty/over-responsible/hurt as he had intended me to be. At this stage he became more overtly aggressive, which I heard is common with PA men when you stop reacting to their covert methods- then he became extremely ‘sincere’ when that didn’t work. Crazy as it sounds, this behaviour is NOT personally about you at all, they simply need a vehicle on which to dump their venom. It’s no more personal than a dog who has bitten you, they just don’t know how to behave differently and see innocent actions as provocation (am I being unfair to dogs?). Even if you have done something to offend (which I doubt) it is unacceptable and immature to retaliate spitefully in any way whatsoever when an adult would simply explain their needs to you. The more you pacify, the the less respect they have for you. I’m sorry to say that it’s all about protecting yourself from his behaviour rather than expecting him to change it.

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  3. newshoes123 says:

    It just makes me mad. Really sad as well. I read you today and I know that we all do this, we bite. And they are so patient at waiting for us to blow up or call them on something for them to get that reaction they so bloody crave!! “It’s your fault I’m like this, look how you react to me when I’m calm” BS BS BS…. I used to blame myself so much for the whole relationship being so toxic, I used to think that I was a terrible wife and mother, that I didn’t know how to speak, when to speak, how to approach a discussion and that basically I was lucky I was even married and that he even stayed with me!! Really! But he was the only one that I had a problem with, everyone else seemed to think that I was a lovely person, easy to be with, easy going and easy to speak to…

    Just the way that you write I can tell that you are also like that PJ, that in normal circumstances with a normal relationship with equal communication on both sides, you are more than likely a very easy going person, you probably do not expect the worse from the other person, nor do you jump out of your skin and more than likely you are able to get through an issue without bating an eyelash. I used to be so chill, took everything in stride, would take one thing at a time, handle issues calmly and logically, wouldn’t make too much fuss about the little things in life that are annoying, would never make a big deal unless it really was a big deal or something that really bothered me and that didn’t happen very often! Now, not so much and it depends on the day but I’m doing better than I used to, and I do step back and think about things before I freak out. In certain situations it works wonders, in others not so much. But I’m learning 🙂

    I’m glad you are thinking about yourself PJ and I’m glad that you are taking the time to breathe and to find little joys in your life. It will make you stronger a little bit at a time. Give yourself time, you will get there. In the meantime, safeguard your heart my dear, your pah will never change and I don’t mean to be negative, I’ve just never met one that did.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bronze says:

      “You said – “” I used to think that I was a terrible wife and mother, that I didn’t know how to speak, when to speak, how to approach a discussion and that basically I was lucky I was even married and that he even stayed with me!! “”

      That is how I spent 20 years. In fact, he even told me I was lucky he even bothered to come home to us and I believed him. In fact, he was lucky he had a loyal, loving wife and three beautiful children waiting for him to come home. When I stopped reacting he upped the ante and escalated his behaviours until in the very end I was almost as dysfunctional as him. He dragged me into his vortex and the realisation that I couldn’t live there and be functional was what made me end it. He can live in that vortex – if he doesn’t have it he will find it elsewhere. I’m sure he has started his games with his gf and I’m sure she isn’t even aware of it yet.

      There is no way you can stop him from playing games, there is no way you can approach him, there are no normal conversations and they make everything so hard and onerous that even going to the shop for milk becomes an avenue for manipulation and resentment. That environment causes huge anxiety. I am amazed now he is gone how little I react to situations that in the last years of my marriage I became almost unable to cope with, without a meltdown or fear. I simply just do it or deal with it. The only things I find hard to deal with are the ones that require money and even then now I can usually laugh at the absurdity that here I am still doing the hard yards, dealing with the responsibility and there he is without a care in the world and yet I bet he isn’t enjoying it – I bet he is manufacturing drama and angst in a situation that could be so easy and lovely for him. It took me many years to realise that our marriage was made so hard by his attitude – silent treatments, stone walling, PA maneuvering, rage, manipulation and I couldn’t understand why we just couldn’t pull together and enjoy what really should have been a good and happy life. I spent many years thinking I was the cause of that before I realised I spent my whole life jumping through hoops to avoid the situations that happened and then I realised HE was causing it all and I will wonder to the rest of my days WHY they find the need to make what should be a lovely, calm, happy family life with two parents pulling together, so darn difficult and futile. With his wage and our kids there was no reason we shouldn’t have been enjoying our family and good fortune – but he wasn’t going to have it any other way but full of hurt, resentment and drama. What a futile waste of our life on earth.

      I wish any ladies still in the vortex much love and strength to make it through what you need to do until you can find an avenue to leave or to find a way you can live with it and be happy. Take care all.

      Like

      • Exodus says:

        For me the hardest thing to accept was the truth that there are some humans who simply thrive on creating misery wherever they go. It seems so unnatural to me that anyone would want to be unhappy. Norman is truly addicted to creating misery because it’s his way of expressing his true self that is desperate to have a voice- his angry suffering self.

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        • Bronze says:

          I fail to understand it as well. If you really think about it we both live in first world countries – our lives are far easier than most of the planet, we have the opportunity to be fully realised as what humans COULD be given other needs taken care of. There is really no reason to create such drama and angst ridden households and yet these(primarily men) strive to be miserable, resentful, angry, hateful and have no ability to be grateful for what they have. They (I believe) are so resentful because they believe that there is better for them elsewhere, that they are being held back, forced down etc. and if it wasn’t for the millstones around their necks, their lives would be happy. Well, mine has certainly made a mockery of that by going and getting himself into exactly, if not a worse situation than the one that caused him such misery the first time (wife, kids, house, responsibility etc.). It is not possible to live with ANYONE and them not have expectations. Mine believed that my expectations for reciprocity, team work, collaboration, civility, manners, respect, thoughtfulness etc. were too high for ANY man to live up with despite every woman I know expecting and getting those very things. I think mine will find when his gf also has actual feelings and desires love and care (not just at the beginning) he will feel the same way – that she is too demanding and selfish. What he really wants is a mother to take care of him, who will allow him to dump on her and continue to praise and love him as only a mother could, except he also wants sex with her, lol… Not many women feel like sex when they spend their intimate life with somebody who acts like a recalcitrant teenager with oppositional defiance disorder on a daily basis. The most bizarre thing is that he will never, ever be able to connect his behaviour to her feeling of being unloved and hated. He will never see himself as the bringer of this dysfunctional dynamic that he creates. I believe in his head he will think it’s bad luck that he managed to find another selfish, demanding woman and he will then be the ultimate martyr!!

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          • Bronze, I feel the same way paescapee does. You are writing my thoughts as well. It’s uncanny, especially this last comment. That part about wanting a mother…but one that he can have sex with…Gross. Eww. But so true. I could never imagine wanting him to even touch me after knowing what he really is and understanding this. And, “He will never see himself as the bringer of this dysfunctional dynamic that he creates.” Well said! I thank you, too. 🙂

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          • Exodus says:

            Bronze wrote: “Not many women feel like sex when they spend their intimate life with somebody who acts like a recalcitrant teenager with oppositional defiance disorder on a daily basis. The most bizarre thing is that he will never, ever be able to connect his behaviour to her feeling of being unloved and hated. ”

            Way back at the beginning of the millennium, our counselor told Norman almost the same words you wrote and she told him that he was destroying his marriage and intimacy. She said, ‘ You are forcing your wife to be your mother and the only adult in your home and no woman would want to be intimate with a man who treats her this way’ and not a single word of that mattered to Norman. Norman always feels entitled to treat me like shit and expects me to want to be with him sexually. Norman dismissed all the advice of the counselor and continued to roll his eyes whenever I tried to explain to him how broken hearted and hurt and lonely I felt all the time.

            The sex with the mother figure thing is typical of their Madonna-whore mindset about women.

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      • paescapee says:

        Dear Bronze- it’s as though you’re writing my thoughts. Thank you 🙂

        Like

  4. marsocmom says:

    Forgive him, pray for him, yes, but don’t lower your guard or you will be wounded yet again. I’m so confused by his belief that he can’t get to sleep unless you are already in bed with him. We did the “silence with backs to each other” for so long that I finally started sleeping somewhere else. I decided that my husband must be afraid of me, and the more I considered that, the more I realized it was true. I know him better than anyone else and I could easily knock down his house of cards if I wanted to. It seems like he knows at some level that he has mistreated you, hence the asking for forgiveness, but at some other level, he knows you hold power over him by being able to grant or deny forgiveness. So, to make his life easier, he avoids you or lashes out in anger because he doesn’t know what else to do. Confession and intimacy are way too difficult, because he is afraid. Makes me find a little more compassion for them, but it also helps me see that we, their wives, are not the ones who are going to be able to help them very much. They can’t give away that much power. And it’s when we detach and withdraw that causes even more fear and the pathetic ‘please forgive me” that doesn’t mean a whole lot. I guess all you can really do is accept his apology but remain wary. But that said, I do hope this might be the start of some real healing for you, it’s possible, for sure. We so need to hang on to some kind of hope, whatever it is that we hope for.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exodus says:

      They always know they have done something wrong or hurtful ( that’s their M.O. in life) but anytime they ask for forgiveness it’s only just a continuation of their manipulations intended to patronize us and shift accountability to us. In their mind, if they repeat, it’s our fault because our prayers didn’t work or we are too hostile to forgive their transgressions….and life continues with PA man as usual.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. DaMama7 says:

    Bed time is a bad time for me too. Yesterday I got the nerve to try and talk with my husband. He was laying in bed when I came and laid down beside him. We were making small talk when I found a way to turn the subject to how I feel lonley and unloved. I didn’t accuse and I used “I feel” sentences-trying to keep from raising defensive reactions….I tried to calmly and quietly explain how I felt. He definitely tried to get off the subject and argue about others things. He tried to bring up his needs but I simply told him we were not talking about his needs but mine. He did seem to listen but of course did not speak to me. He did say that he felt like I was speaking a different language when I told him my needs. He also ended up saying he was screwed because he didn’t love anyone on the face of the earth the way I was describing he should love me. (Nothing extremely earth-shattering just concern for me, wanting me to be happy, us having an actual friendship between ourselves, having general good will towards me etc) I told him that I was actually the one that was screwed because I would never get what I needed from him. I told him I just needed to remember that and stop trying. I walked out of the room and began to interact with our children like everything was fine. He came t f the room and did the same thing. It is such a strange way to live. I honestly believe he doesn’t understand what I am saying. I feel very sad for him today. He is a much smarter person then me but he just doesn’t get it. I do not believe that is an excuse because if you know how to read and have the want to you can learn anything…even learn how to be a non-crappy husband. But I doubt he is going to put any effort into doing that. We got in bed last night and the baby was sleeping between us. He touched my arm and said, “good night babe.” A few moments of silence, then, “we should kiss more.” ??? Ok…..so I said, “yes we should.” And that was it. 😦 Like I said, what a strange way to live. He used to be mean to me. He used to go out of his way to do it too. We are in our late 30’s and have been married for a little over 20 years. Now he is just indifferent. He doesn’t go out of his way to be really obviously mean and I dont yell and beg and fight for his attention like I used to. It is like we are both slipping into despondency. It is sad. Today he has hugged me and invited to to go outside and talk with him while he changed the oil in his truck. He made some coffee for me and hot chocolate for the kids. He has walked into the room I am in and just sat while I nursed the baby to sleep. I hate it though. I don’t know why I ask for attention because if he gives a little bit like today it feels so gross and weird. All of our older kids are going out of town for 2 days and it will be me, 3 little ones, and him at home. I am not looking forward to it. I am not angry with him right now, I am just sad. Thanks so much for this blog. I look forward to every post. Hang in there ladies 🙂

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    • WritesinPJ's says:

      Oh, DaMama7, I could feel my chest tighten and ache reading your response. It sounds like what I’d write a decade or so ago.

      I want to tell you what I wish I could tell myself if I had a time machine: Take care of yourself. You’ll be a better mother if you take care of yourself. Be aware of what your needs are, and do your best to nurture yourself, and meet those needs. In light of this, don’t take your health for granted. Guard it. Care for it.

      Keep a journal if you can (or blog), and when you’re too tired to try to weigh what your writing, just record, record, record. You can take time later to try to objectively read what you wrote.

      Be mindful of every choice you make, but particularly and especially which choices will create an independent you, or keep you enmeshed in dependence with someone who struggles to love you. Not because you aren’t lovable, but because his capacity to love at all is impaired.

      Welcome to this blog, and thank you so much for sharing.

      Like

  6. lonelywife07 says:

    Hey PJ…it’s me, just checking in….Hey Exodus, Marsocmom, paescapee, seeingthelight….Even though I’m no longer blogging on my blog….I just wanted to see how y’all are 🙂

    Things are the same here in PA Land…..PA Man quit counseling after only two sessions…no surprise, right?
    I knew it wouldn’t last, so am I disappointed…not really. He blamed me of course, LOL, said I wasn’t “supportive enough” I juts looked at him and said, ” Classic PA move, blame me for YOUR failure!”
    I’m making my own life, very involved in other activities…I really don’t talk to PA Man if I can help it…I only see him a few hours a day so that makes it easy.
    Reading Leslie Vernicks blog has REALLY helped me a lot….I know I don’t have to put up with his PA abuse, so I don’t.
    I tell him his behavior is sinful, and that I’m praying for him. He says nothing. LOL

    And I guess maybe I should be glad PA Man doesn’t crack open his bible….I don’t think I could stand the hypocrisy, like you wrote about in your other post.

    Anyway, just checking in on you all…. I’ll probably post on here more often…just had to step away for awhile,
    PS Exodus, I hope you can leave…soon!! 🙂

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    • WritesinPJ's says:

      ((( lonelywife ))) I hoped for things to go well for you, but not surprised to hear that your husband quit counseling. It would be interesting to hear him explain to the counselor why he felt you weren’t supportive enough to continue with counseling.

      My life… situation… marriage… was never all bad, and certainly went through years where there was more financial freedom etc. In fact, that seems to be getting slowly better and better since I’ve become involved in the business again. It’s just consistently inconsistent like everything else in the relationship.

      I’ve been calling my husband out for years on his bad behavior, but anymore it’s only to bear witness to myself.

      I hope you’ll consider blogging again!

      Liked by 1 person

      • lonelywife07 says:

        PJ…I dunno….I might pick up the ol blogging thing again…one day. 🙂 I do miss all of you though…The friends who TRULY understand this sucky way of life!

        PA Man is really angry at me….and now he’s lying to me about things….I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it does.
        I called him out on a lie he told me tonight…he’s so stupid! Gah! It drives me crazy!

        I’ve realized in the last few weeks….PA Man is NOT a true child of God…no way, no how! He’s a genuine fake! He has no remorse for his actions, he doesn’t care who he hurts by his actions, and God doesn’t figure into his life at all….So in realizing this, it’s made it a bit easier for me to see how he acts the way he does.
        I pray for his salvation, for him to see that he’s pretending to be a child of God, when in fact, he’s not.
        I’m just taking each day as it comes, trying to be there for my family, and to take care of myself. 🙂

        Like

        • WritesinPJ's says:

          lonely, yes… take care of yourself. It’s the costliest lesson I learned. If you don’t blog, I encourage you to journal. If you don’t have energy to write about how you feel, just write what did or didn’t happen.

          Write about what you want and need, and do your best to meet as many of those as you can.

          I pray your choices are wise and blessed.

          Like

    • Lonely, hi! 🙂 It’s so good to hear your voice. I missed you!

      Ah, the not “supportive enough” thing. In the last year the revelations from Gregory (my PA man) of what that was supposed to mean helps immensely. Over here that means I am supposed to smile and say “No one else is as smart and amazing as you in the whole world,” “Without you I would have spent my life living on the streets destitute and starving,” “I’m so blessed that you came along to save me,” and “What a great idea!” and “Of course we can afford the time, energy, etc.” to whatever project or plan enters his head. Among other things, of course. I am not kidding here. In a way it lifted such a burden to know that I was never going to be able to support him in his eyes. It’s God’s view that matters, and He knows I tried. I wish that healed everything, but it’s still good to know.

      Leslie Vernick is such a gift. I keep up with her blog, too.

      So glad you checked in. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • lonelywife07 says:

        Hi Seeing 🙂
        SIGH…..Yes, I was told pretty much that same thing on Monday…”You’re always wanting to argue!” “Why can’t you just forget the past and move forward?” “Why can’t we just live in the here and now??” “I’m making good money, we COULD be happy but you won’t let anything go!!”
        From what I got out of him…he wants a Stepford wife. I looked at him and said, “That’s not happening!”
        I’ve read on other blogs that once you start putting boundaries in place, things go downhill….well, that what it finding to be true in my marriage.
        My H is angry…very angry inside. He doesn’t admit it, but I can see it!
        We barely talk when he’s at home, thank God he’s been traveling a lot the last few months so that has helped.
        Having him around more at the holidays is gonna be hard,that’s for sure.

        I’ve really considered doing what he wants me to do…be HAPPY, (playacting) give him the sex he wants, (yuck!!), forget the past (no can do!) but I find I can’t do it.
        I’ve never been a fake person, and I think if I did so now, it would drain the life from me.

        Separation sounds sooo good…but I’d go from having a great financial lifestyle…to poverty! And that’s a hard pill to swallow!!

        I am going to see a lawyer after the first of the year though….I want to see what alimony would look like for me…and then I’ll feel better about any decisions I have to make 🙂

        This sucks all the way round, doesn’t it??

        Like

        • Yes, it does suck!

          Yep, the Stepford wife thing. I wish he had just said it when we met. That would have settled things a long time ago. I am SO glad you can’t do the fake thing. That’s no way to live.

          I have gone around and around with the – I can’t get healthy until I get away from him, but I need to get healthy in order to get away from him… The kids won’t get better until they get away from him, but he won’t give up custody easily… Lifestyle is always a consideration when there are kids. We’re not wealthy, but we are comfortable enough not to have to be nervous financially most of the time. I really struggle with the fact that when I met him, I had the health, strength, and mind that I could have made just as much or more money as a single woman in my chosen career field as he is making now. Fast forward to today – I am struggling to stay alive and keep my head above water and the hope of being healthy enough to work to support myself is a distant dream. Ain’t I lucky he came along to save me? I’m just so ungrateful.

          Yet…there is a glimmer of hope. I am working really hard – and have hit another turning point, I think. I am finding more success getting him out of my head. It’s hard, slow work. I am letting myself feel and be me. There’s a lot of self-talk as I release who I am with him in my life and welcome me without him. These days I am attempting to classify him as an unpleasant roommate or business partner with whom I share a contract that still has some time left to go. As I walk around here distancing myself even more and detaching more fully, I am feeling just a little decrease in the stress hormones. It’s really very subtle, but I think it will build upon itself. Hope springs eternal 🙂

          I’m glad you are seeing a lawyer. I did that earlier this year and it was both sobering and eye-opening, while also being a little bit empowering.

          Like

    • Exodus says:

      Hi Lonely,
      Oh boy. What can any of us say about the husband’s counseling? Isn’t it just so typical? Well, hang in there and don’t let it bring you down.

      I’m still pushing forward and trying to stay sane as always. The white coats haven’t come for me yet so I figure there’s still hope for me.

      Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving! E.

      Like

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