The holiday slog

Don’t get me wrong, I do love holidays!  At least I used to love them… more than I seem to enjoy them now.

I keep thinking about some of the readers/posters, and wondering how you all are faring out there during what can be a stressful and hectic season.

I suppose that when I enter into this kind of patch of time, I tend to subtly circle my own wagons.  Equilibrium can feel tippy topple, and so I try not to ‘think’ too much.

I haven’t actually done anything for Christmas… yet.  No baking or tree up or shopping.  That in itself is a good reason to come here and share any small triumphs, and if my wibble wobble tipover tales make anyone out there feel less alone, then it’s definitely worth the time and vulnerability here.

Meanwhile, I’ve been through several cycles of passive aggressive manure with my husband, and my brain is fried.  It meant a pretty bad patch of insomnia last night, so here’s to a better night!

This entry was posted in abusive husband, abusive marriage, Christian marriage, covert abuse, emotional abuse, passive aggressive abuse and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The holiday slog

  1. marriedtomyself says:

    Hi In My PJ’s, I like holidays as well but it has been very hard for me as too. You are not alone. My emotions have been up and down on a major level. My adults kids asked for decorations, this is the only reason they are up. It did help a little for it to be festive in our house. I hope you have a great night with lots of good sleep.


  2. paescapee says:

    Hi PJ I love your expression ‘my brain is fried’ as that’s what happens, isn’t it, when its whizzing around in circles trying to figure out what’s happening with the illogical behaviour. Hope you have a Happy Christmas with the rest of the family anyway. x


  3. DaMama7 says:

    I am sorry you have been feeling so fried. 😦 I like what pa escapee said, calling all this stuff that comes along with a pa marriage illogical. It is completely illogical. Sounds like there is a collective “mind fried” feeling today. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking, “maybe he isn’t even that passive aggressive. Maybe I am too hard on him. I mean he is committed to providing for us. He is involved with our kids. He doesn’t run around on me. I need to watch myself because maybe I am just expecting too much. (Enter self-analysis) I am a a type A-personality, maybe I am too pushy. I am INFJ, so maybe I am too sensitive, or think too much. I am a Christian so maybe I haven’t prayed enough or renewed my mind enough. I did pray though and ask The Lord for some clear vision and discernment. And you know what? My husband’s behavior is illogical. I am not crazy. I am ready to work on my marriage but as of right now, he is not. And the fact is I can be “too-fill-in-the-blank” or “not-enough-of-fill-in-the-blank” because I am human. But I care! I don’t want to cause my husband illogical and unnecessary pain. I want to see the places where The Lord needs to change me to make me conform to His image. I know I have flaws..oh, how I know. I do want my marriage partner to feel happy and fulfilled in our marriage. That is sane. That is logical. That is right. That you Lord for that clarity. How I am treated, how we are treated, is not normal or logical!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. newshoes123 says:

    I posted last week that I really wasn’t in the Christmas spirit and that the impending Holiday Season was stressing me out. Living with a pa man for so many years does that to you, you know something will hit the fan during them so you expect it and the expectation is actually potentially worse than the actual event!!

    I did put up the Christmas tree last weekend, it’s nice and I like it. I didn’t start any of the baking yet, I guess this is what I’m doing this weekend. I don’t feel like it much but I’ll do it to keeps things normal for the kids, it’s our first Christmas being separated, it’s going to be strange to say the least but I’ll do my best to minimize any potential squabbles even if that means, letting him control and manipulate his way through them. Whatever, as long as the kids come through it ok by January 2nd!!

    Luckily I have amazing supportive friends who will help me through them if I need it 🙂

    PJ you told me last week not to let the Grinch steal my Xmas, you do the same girl and go get that energy you need to make it happen for your kids. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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