When I was a girl, I was normally the top student in all my classes (at least until I started skipping school constantly towards the end of high school). Learning anything came so easily, and I was used to skipping ahead of my peers with ease. There was only one other student that held any competition for me, so naturally I had a school girl crush on him. At home in my family of origin, it meant nothing (maybe occasional teasing) and seemed irrelevant to my somewhat invisible status in the shadow of the ‘only boy’. School was a different place, and I held my top status with casual confidence. Confident in my abilities, and utterly insecure as a person of worth. As a student, I was used to grabbing the top scores academically, setting the curve on any exam, and sailing through anything academic with ease. I was strong in athletics, and physically capable of doing anything that most of my male peers could do at that age. I was a fast learner. Very fast.
Funny how that can possibly create or contribute to a blind spot. Funny how later in life, I came to realize what a slow learner I’ve been when it comes to people. Either slow, or very blind.
I’ve been called Pollyanna by more than one person in my life, and apparently it’s rather true. Push me down, and before you know it, I’m wanting to look up to the sky, see the stars, and wanting to believe. I’m extremely cynical about human nature, while simultaneously wanting to believe and hope for the best in someone. It seems rather at odds with the pragmatic and objective part of me. No wonder I find myself in such a murky kerfluffle of a marriage with a passive aggressive spouse.