This is one of those days that started with a long and draining conversation aka an argument. As it was progressing, I wanted to hit myself on the head, and try to knock some sense into my frazzled mind.
I could hear Sense quietly saying, What are you doing? You know this has all been said before. This is a time and energy sink.
The dynamics are all too familiar. He says something, and I hear that the words are loaded beyond the surface sound. In this case, he wanted to take off for hours of running errands and shopping (places that are located an hour’s drive away), and leave the weekly cleaning and maintenance to ‘others’. I wanted us to tackle it together, and then I’d have the peace of mind to do the shopping and errands with him tomorrow. He says he doesn’t understand why I would expect him to help, when ‘others’ here could do that.
He starts the accusations and undermining, constantly trying to divert and deflect. My fight becomes about staying on topic.
At one point, the diversion tactic of tossing in a passive aggressive dig almost worked. He was trying to tell me that he has changed, and then reminded me that he ‘could’ complain about the condition of the house and how it’s being run, but he doesn’t. (This was not at all the topic of our conversation.) He insists that he didn’t make a dig, but I don’t believe him, and I don’t care.
It eventually ended when he realized that I was much more in the give-a-damn-busted camp than the hurt-upset camp. The compromise is that he’s running some errands in the town we live near, then supposedly will come back to help with some weekly chores.
I guess we’ll see how that plays out.