Much better

Third session today, and it was so much better than last week.  S4 was the driver, and he was more of a quiet presence for part of it, and then off visiting with the other horses for the rest.  I was able to take part in a kind of bonding empowerment walk with my favorite horse while using just using an extended hand.

It was the same beautiful white horse, and this time she was standing there at the gate as though she was waiting for me to arrive.  I sit here and get a silly smile as I remember that!

I wish I could coherently remember the conversation from today, but I don’t.  I do know that the therapist talked about ‘living’ in my thoughts and being disconnected from feelings, and showing signs of someone who’s experienced trauma.  I remember walking with the horse and not being able to stop smiling.  I have white horse hair all over my black shirt, but I’m reluctant to change because that makes me smile too.

I just ordered a couple books about equine therapy to help me get the most out of this experience (that she recommended).

At home, it’s the same kind of stuff.  I threw out a couple of gross muffin pans, and ordered replacements, then added a spatula and coffee filters to the order.  The minute I let my husband know, he started to tell me about needing to get a different monitor to replace a brand new one he needed a few months ago (but apparently no longer likes).  I asked him to just let me enjoy my order… books for therapy, muffin tins, and a spatula (what a splurge…).  He said that his ‘need’ for the monitor was independent of what I’d just ordered, but by this point I started to ‘feel’ (ha!) anger, and told him that he swore the last one was exactly what he needed, and I wanted him to use it a bit longer before paying over twice as much for another new one.

I don’t write about this kind of stuff often, because little strange things happen and it’s not only easy to forget, but easy to just not be sure of what is what.

Lately I’ve felt certain physical pain seeming to be escalating a little (a lot of stomach and lower abdominal pain), so I started taking some adrenal support herbal tincture, and I’m singing my own version of ‘let it go, let it go’ in my head.

It’s Friday, and I made it to one more session!  That’s a happy thought right there to start my weekend!

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1 Response to Much better

  1. Pingback: Reflections on shopping | my life in pajamas

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